#my adhd takes away my object permanence

[vxnted]

Sign of life?

omg someone cares that’s so cute, dw we still alive 🫡

[5-htagonist]

bro i remember being young and my grandma telling me if i dont learn to clean my room then i wont do it when im older. while there is some truth there what she did not account for was the audhd

[2hoothoots]

So I was going through your blog (again) and found some of your stuff mentions fsau Raz having ADHD, as somebody with adhd I’m intrigued, may I have some of those headcanons (canons??) related to that? Also, I would give “a penny for your thoughts” but I’m out of pennies, so here’s various images of a drawing of ur blorbo I put next to my animals, note that a rock had to be added in one picture to keep him from flying away (BONUS: his now permanent place with the wifi guardian frog)

NOTHING brings me more joy than seeing physical drawings of these guys, like, out and about. in situations. thank you for this gift, and ALSO for the great ask because it's a perfect chance to ramble

so first of all, canon Raz having ADHD is very real to me. he's constantly fidgeting and moving around, getting distracted by sidequests and scavenger hunt objectives, always talking to himself out loud, gotta write everything down so he remembers it because there's so much to DO!, running away from home because his dad yelled at him one time and now Raz assumes he must hate him forever... i could go on, but i think there's a lot of room for interpretation there!

in my headcanon, he never got diagnosed as a kid. maybe there were some notes about it in his reports each year, sure - but a little hyperactivity and distractability never seemed to slow him down. he excelled in lessons and on missions, and when he was with his family their performances gave him something to focus that energy into. it was only really when he turned 18 and graduated to a full agent that the cracks started to show.

because there's a big difference between the responsibilities you have as a minor, and the responsibilities you have as an 18-year-old living away from home! one who's expected to cook and clean for themselves, and take care of adult life stuff, and also work the 9-to-5 office job he's just graduated into that involves sitting in front of a computer and write reports all day.

short-term, he found he could get himself to power through a deadline with energy drinks and psi-pops (a lot of psi-pops...)

long-term, something had to give. he was working himself to exhaustion, constantly stressed, swinging between days spent staring at his computer screen doing nothing and all-nighters desperately trying to finish his paperwork before the deadline. it just didn't make any sense to him. he'd finally started his job as a Psychonaut, he was living independently like he'd always dreamed, he'd gotten top surgery after planning it for so long. he should have everything he ever wanted. why wasn't he happy?

following a deep post-surgical depression, about a month before his 19th birthday Raz was living out of his car, couch-surfing or sleeping in his office. he got kicked out of his apartment after falling behind on bills and rent. it wasn't that he didn't have the money, it was all just too much for him to stay on top of.

he'd probably have stayed in that misery hole for a lot longer if Frazie hadn't marched into his life and demanded he let her help him move into a new place, or she was telling mom that he was homeless. together, they sorted through all of his possessions from the last place - everything that had been hastily shoved in his car, or tossed in a box in his office, piled in a heap that was giving him anxiety even looking at it.

things do get better for him from there.

when he eventually explains things to Hollis, she gently suggests that he should get a roommate. he ends up moving in with Phoebe, and they become pretty good friends after a couple months! something about having another person around to help do the chores and wash the dishes and share the space helps, even if it takes him a while to admit it.

he gets his ADHD diagnosis, and finding the exact right medication and dose is a journey he's still on years later - but they're a huge help in getting him to actually knuckle down and finish his work on time. and the whole thing ends up being a chance for him to take a step back and really think about what he wants to do with his life. he'd always assumed that being a Psychonaut was his dream, but he'd never really reckoned with what that dream would look like before.

in the end, he sticks with it, but also decides to follow Lili's example in branching out. he applies to study a part-time Bachelor's in Psychology on a remote course, and gets accepted. juggling missions and paperwork and study and relationships (because the whole thing made him realise he also wasn't setting aside any time for himself, and wow, dating is a thing) is a lot - but he manages to figure it out, day by day.

(Lili comes back to the Psychonauts after graduating. she and Raz have both changed a lot over those four years, but on their first mission together they hit it off like a house on fire - and the rest is history!)

[slow-burn-sally]

Stuff I've learned about how my brain works post-ADHD diagnosis.

I never hit stop on an alarm or reminder if I haven't yet done the thing it's supposed to remind me of. I ALWAYS HIT SNOOZE UNTIL THE TASK IS DONE. Otherwise, the task will not get done.

Anything that I want to bring with me on a daily basis when I leave the house (keys, meds, lip balm, wallet, deodorant, mail to be mailed, anything) must live in my pocketbook. Anything I take out of my pocketbook and do not put back will never leave the house. Anything I know I must bring with me the next day must immediately be put into the pocketbook, or my work backpack, the instant I think of it, or I will forget.

I do not put anything on top of the thing I need to remember. If my taxes need to be filed, I cannot put my printed out tax forms under a book or my laptop. Out of sight, out of mind. No object permanence. It must be kept in a clearly visible space in order for me to remember that it exists.

Plastic, see-through Tupperware containers are great for storage and organization. If I can't see through the container, I'll never remember what's in there.

At night after I've had a smoke and am watching tv, if I need to go into my room to get something, I must repeat the thing in my mind, over and over, so that I don't forget it on the way there. "bathrobe, bathrobe, bathrobe." "Lip balm, lip balm lip balm." "Water bottle, water bottle, water bottle."

At work, I write down lists of things I need to do and check them off, one by one. I set reminders in my email. I finish tasks before I start on new ones. I keep people who request favors from me on the phone while I write up the email or solve their problem. I tell them "I'm keeping you on the phone until I do this so I won't forget." No one has ever complained about it.

Before I ask a question by email, I try my best to research if it has been answered already. Before I answer a question by email, I triple check myself to make sure I'm correct. I slowly and carefully reread the email, (not easy if it's about dull instructions or procedures, because my eyes keep trying to slip over it without letting my brain absorb it). This one is tough, but when I don't do it, I typically feel like a jackass when I say something wrong or redundant with a bunch of people copied as witnesses to my mistakes.

I set timers when I put water on to boil or put something to bake in the oven. I try to never leave the kitchen without doing this, because if I don't, pots and pans get ruined, or the water boils away to nothing, or the meat overcooks when I eventually get sucked into fanfiction, or a show, or scrolling through Tumblr, and forget that I'm cooking. Not setting a timer is also a great way to accidentally start a fire in your kitchen!

I message people back the instant I remember to do it. If not, it could take weeks to remember.

Feel free to add anything that comes to mind if you want. Our solutions have to work for each of us individually, but sometimes advice can be sort of universal. I'd love to hear more workarounds!

[manty-monster]

It's always messed me up how manageable some symptoms of BPD could be with the right communication and understanding of the mental illness.

It's a disability, and like many disabilities, there are accessibility options, and there are concessions that can be made, knowledge that can be expanded on. Having a relationship when you have a disability can be work; sometimes, you or your partner may have to help each other. This shouldn't be different for mental disabilities.

So I wanted to come up with some basic practices that can help you if you or your loved one has BPD.

disclaimer - this is one person with BPD's opinion and may not be true for everyone, communication is key, BPD is a complex but manageable illness.

Understanding what a trigger is, neurobiologically. When a person with BPD has a trigger, their brain floods with chemicals, driving them into panic. The things they say and do should be taken under that consideration. This is not to say dismiss what's being said. There is still a conscious mind behind the words and the things and those topics may hint at a core insecurity that should be discussed later, but understand on a conscious level that your loved one may not necessarily be in a clear state of mind.

Stop responding to everything at face value. Building off #1, once you recognize that your partner is emotionally compromised, with a disorder that creates black and white thinking aka splitting, or heightened emotional responses, you can't respond to everything in the same way you would respond to a casual question. If your partner hits you with the classic "Are you mad at me?" that should be a cue to you to try and explore that more deeply.

Initiate open communication. ☆ Which brings us to communication. Open, loving communication has to come from a place of empathy first and foremost. It requires briefly stepping into your partner's shoes in communication. It's not easy to steel your immediate reaction when someone says something untrue or hurtful to you, but it does become easier if you can recognize the emotional meaning behind words as well as the literal meaning. "Are you mad?" becomes helpful inside-shorthand for "Hey, I'm feeling insecure right now. Could you help me manage that?" rather than a frustrating phrase. I had to put a star there because holy shit is it important to understand emotive communication, heightened emotions, and cognitive empathy/perspective-taking when communicating with someone with BPD. This one's gonna involve some metacognition, folks.

Calming techniques. As you learn more about each other, try to include learning what calms you or your partner down. Comforting/soothing actions can help the chemicals from being triggered or splitting to dissipate faster. Learning what makes your partner calm or happy will go a long way towards easy caring management of some symptoms. While things like "Please calm down" can make things much worse, a simple "Can you tell me about [aspect of their special interest]?" "Do you want me to turn my webcam on?" "Can I put [favorite band/show] on?" "Do you want to be held?" are much more personal, show you have an interest in helping them feel better, and can diffuse a situation. Context matters, of course. Sometimes all that's needed is "I'm listening, I love you."

Understand your partner's symptoms. Looking up symptoms of BPD and understanding them is crucial to understanding what is going on. For instance, people with BPD have a warped sense of object permanence, and sending small messages while you're away can be a way to manage this. Rejection sensitivity, which is also seen in other neurodiversities like ADHD, autism, and CPTSD (which shares like 99% of symptoms and cause with BPD), can be managed by establishing a vocabulary together to navigate rejection, trust, and symptom recognition.

Understand your partner. Every person is different, and their history and trauma are unique. Some people with BPD were neglected and abandoned, while others were parentified or victims of other forms of abuse. Many people with BPD have other comorbid neurodivergences. It's important to be curious about your own and your partner's minds. Preventing a trigger is much better than resolving one. Knowing the things that could cause yourself or your partner to split or experience another symptom can allow you to discuss it beforehand, even set up a plan to prevent it. This can include making plans for things to do in your or their absence, having an object to hold to help remember that you or they are loved (such as a bracelet or stuffed animal), or setting an alarm or using post-it notes to remember important dates or schedules. Using self-aids is a good thing!

TLDR: So much of BPD can be almost totally mitigated with empathy, pre-planning, and understanding. Having a partner with a mental illness isn't always easy, but we could be doing a lot better for people with CPTSD/BPD, and frankly, for anyone with a mental or physical disability than we are right now with leave him sis dating culture. Obviously, this whole post depends on both people being able to introspect enough to enact these things. If you have BPD, mindfulness, CBT (the therapy kind), and DBT can be very helpful for consciously managing your way through triggers.

Sources:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35357883/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3182008/

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/January-2022/Understanding-Mental-Illness-Triggers

https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/bjc.12216

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-ptsd/202006/is-it-borderline-personality-disorder-or-is-it-really-complex-ptsd

https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/how-ptsd-cptsd-and-bpd-can-impact-relationships

https://mark-havens.medium.com/understanding-cognitive-empathy-the-key-to-better-relationships-and-communication-8b3ea7a4370c

https://www.youtube.com/@HowtoADHD

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6026651/

https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/affective-perspective-taking

you made it this far heres a cool storm i saw from a plane

[searenbound]

The worst thing tumblr has done to me personally was taking away my self reblogs from the notes. I never shut up and I have adhd related object permanence issues

I can’t find shit these days.

[quitepossiblybamboozled]

I love when people bitch about characterization in a franchise with as many iterations and canons and multiverses as Sonic the Hedgehog like

bro, you don't like Sonic Prime's Sonic? You think he's annoying and impulsive and cocky and rude? I got news for you, buddy! he's always been like that! since the 90s when Jaleel White voiced him in the Archie shows! there are plenty of other canons out there that you can enjoy.

Want one that's mellow and kind of aloof? Sonic X is right there my guy! Want one that's exhausted and whiny and kind of fed-up? Sonic Boom! Want to see old Sonic vs new Sonic? Generations exists!

Sonic has literally been impatient since his CONCEPTION. his idle animations in the first game are him crossing his arms and tapping his foot and LOOKING AT YOU LIKE YOU NEED TO HURRY UP!!!! He's always shown neurodivergent traits, and Sonic Prime really drives home the way that some of the traits of adhd and autism can lead to miscommunication and a one-track mind.

If you find it annoying that Sonic is neurodivergent and his nd traits being portrayed as an instigator for the inciting incident, imagine what it feels like to have to throw away all your dishes because you keep forgetting to do them. or to have to chuck out fifty dollars of groceries because you forgot to put them away when you finished cooking. or to lose friendships because object permanence is not really a thing. or to lose a job because you mixed up your schedule one too many times. or to get absolutely nothing done before an appointment because you have time blindness and don't want to get carried away vacuuming just in case it takes you more than 4 hours to clean around the litterbox.

I understand that vilifying neurodivergence is problematic, but so is ignoring the fact that it is a disability that can hurt you and affect the people around you.

[iwritewhump]

home cooked meal

2023 year of whump

1375 words

characters: lux, kier, phoenix

warnings: captivity, infected wound (untreated), (implied) past abuse

first | previous | next | masterpost (i can’t link things on this computer so it’ll be a little bit before these are linked, sorry)

~

Lux walks into the room and Kier’s head snaps up, eyes tracking him as he opens the fridge and pulls out a bottle of water. 

Kier’s stomach growls loud enough for Lux to hear. He smiles and walks toward the cage. “Are you hungry?” he taunts. “Too bad. Food is for people who don’t murder.”

“Anyway, I’m going out of town and it wouldn’t be smart to feed you just before leaving, so you’ll have to wait until Phoenix gets back to eat anything. She should be back by tonight, but she’ll probably be too busy unpacking to do anything till morning.” Lux crushes the water bottle and tosses it into the trash can. He presses his face up against the bars of the cage and sighs, “Still not talking?” 

Kier’s jaw juts out and Lux rolls his eyes, “You’ll cave eventually.” 

He pops Kier’s nose and pushes himself away from the cage, sending it swinging back. 

The cage bangs against the wall and smashes Kier’s wing in between the wall and the bar. Kier shouts out and pulls his wing through the bars, looking at the impact point, right where Lux penetrated his wing just days before. The wound is bleeding again and Kier does everything in his power to keep quiet. 

He inhales sharply and closes his eyes, clenching his jaw as he waits for the door to slam shut. The latch clicks and Kier exhales shakily and leans against the bars. He mutters, “Fuck.” 

The day passes and Kier watches the sun sink past the horizon, taking all the light with it. He stares at the door, praying for it to open. For anyone to pass through the threshold would be a miracle in his book. 

But the door remains shut. 

Kier sulks and slinks to the floor of the cage, fitting his legs through the bars of it so he can stretch them. His wings wrap around him and he ignores the stench of infection enveloping him. 

Tired footsteps trudge outside the door and Kier peeks through his feathers at the door, praying he wasn’t imagining it. The door handle turns and he sighs in relief. 

Phoenix walks into the room, pulling a suitcase behind her. She pushes the handle down and lays her jacket over the top of it. She leans back with her hands on her lower back, cracking her back with a relieved moan. 

“Comfortable?” Kier asks. 

Phoenix jumps and curses, “Fucker! I forgot you were here.” Kier stares at her. “Don’t take it personally. I have one of the worst cases of ADHD my therapist has ever seen. I really have a problem with object permanence. I’ve literally lost my car like. Four times this month.” she rambles. “Since you’re still here…want some food?” 

Kier tuts, “Y’know. I’m actually still full from the entire half-eaten sandwich Lux gave me yesterday. Thanks though.” 

She sighs and walks over to the fridge. “Cy told me he fed you before he left.” she squats and opens the crisper, “Do you want breakfast or…macaroni?” She asks. “Actually,  I don’t have the right kind of energy to make macaroni so we’re gonna do breakfast. How do you like your eggs?” 

Kier watches her take things out of the fridge. A carton of eggs, a box of pre-cooked sausage links, a tub of butter, and orange juice. Moving to the pantry, she says, “Fine, don’t talk. I can actually only make a scramble, so that’s what you’re getting. Pancakes?” She goes into the pantry and comes back out with a box of pancake mix. “Doesn’t matter, I’m making pancakes.” 

She grabs a bowl from the dishwasher and sets it on the counter. 

Within minutes, the kitchen was filled with smoke and Phoenix barely avoided singing her eyebrows. She coughs and ties off a bag filled with the burnt pancakes and tosses it next to the door. “Sorry about that. Geez, it’s like I turn away for three seconds and everything goes wrong.” 

She pushes the window open and turns the ceiling fan on before picking up the phone and dialing a number. As she waits for someone to answer, she asks, “You don’t have any allergies, right? I have coupons for a pizza and I like it with mushrooms and sausage.

“Hi!” she says, pointing at the phone so Kier knows she’s not talking to him anymore. She continues on with her order, Kier tunes her out, not particularly caring what kind of toppings or crust she prefers. 

The phone clatters on the table and Kier looks up. Phoenix smiles and sighs, leaning against the wall as she digs through her purse. “I never understand why they need a name. Do they think someone else lives here and they’ll steal my food?” She pulls out a few dollars and a brightly colored piece of paper before setting the bag on the table and sitting on the table. “I don’t get you.” she says. “I mean. One minute, you’re talking to me and the next you’re not? What’s up with that?” She huffs and stands up. “You’d think I was the one keeping you here.” 

“You are.” 

“No.” she argues. “Lux is keeping you here.” 

“You’re not letting me go.” 

She scoffs, “You think I don’t want to? I can’t. If I fuck up one more time, I’m fucked. Okay? One more mistake and I’m out. And that can’t happen.” She starts putting things from her failed cooking attempt back in the fridge. 

“What does that mean? ‘One more mistake’?” Kier asks. 

Phoenix exhales sharply, “I used to not be Phoenix.” she says. 

“Well duh. I know that’s not your real name.” 

“That’s…not what I mean. I used to go by Chimera.” 

“Fuck off,” Kier exclaims. “You?” 

She laughs halfheartedly, “Yeah. Me. And I loved it. I was doing what I thought was right. I didn’t have to answer to anyone, or do anything I didn’t want to do.” she shuts the fridge and sighs. “Then, Cy found me. And he-” 

“Oh my god,” Kier interrupts. “There was a three year gap between Chimera and Phoenix. Are you telling me that you were with him the whole time?”

“No,” she says. “He actually asked some of his friends to keep an eye on me while he had to deal with some family stuff. But he always knew where I was.” she looks at the ground and shakes her head, “Then when he took me back, I joined him. Because it was either that or I’d go back with one of them. And I couldn’t be Chimera anymore for obvious reasons. So Cy came up with Phoenix.”

Kier stares at her, “So…why’re you still with him? I mean you can just walk out, can’t you?” 

She scoffs, “You’d think so, wouldn’t you? He put a tracker in me. And if I take it out, he gets a notification. And he…always finds me” 

The doorbell rings and she rolls her shoulders, “That’s the pizza. I’ll be right back.” 

Kier stands up and runs his hands through his hair, grimacing when it gets caught in his curls. He works his hand out of his hair and shakes off the hair that comes with it. He sighs and leans against the back of the cage, looking at his wings. 

“Shit,” he mutters. One of his feathers grew back and the white stands out against the black like a sore thumb. He takes a deep breath and takes hold of the feather before ripping it out. He moans in pain and folds in on himself, biting his cheek so he doesn’t cry out. “Fuck.” 

He tucks the feather in his waistband and pulls at his shirt so there’s no way for it to be seen. 

The door swings open and Phoenix walks in, pizza boxes held high above her head. She sets the boxes down on the table and smiles, “I got breadsticks too. How many do you want?” 

Kier shrugs and Phoenix rolls her eyes. She gets a plate from the dishwasher and piles the pizza on it. She drags a chair next to the cage and sits down. 

“Here,” she says, fitting a slice through the bars of the cage, “We can each have four pieces, deal?”

[anli-rambles]

ADHD is ✨quirky and cute✨ until it ruins your relationships with others over bs you have no control over. I have time blindness, and while I'm very good at estimating how long it's going to take me to do something or go somewhere, I'm almost always late to meetings and appointments and sometimes even work because I can blink and 10 minutes have passed somehow. I once ended up in the hospital after passing out because I was so hyperfocused on a passion project that I forgot to eat, drink or sleep for 36 hours straight and I only stopped when my body collapsed.

I've lost friends because I'm 'too much to handle' and 'too intense'. Yes, I talk and ramble a lot. Very often about the same thing. No, I don't always realize that it's overwhelming for you. If you don't tell me then I might never notice until you snap at me, and by then it's already too late. I can't learn or work the same way you do. I have horrible object permanence and will forget to do or bring something if it's out of my sight for too long. And no, I can't just "try harder"; my brain is literally wired differently. I can't will the ADHD away.

I have horrible insomnia because my brain just won't shut up. I have to write all of them down first just so I can go to sleep, and sometimes that takes hours. I say things that often get me into trouble because in the moment I don't realize that other people can interpret it in a way I don't mean. It makes me feel like a fucking alien most of the time because it always feels like I just don't fit in. If I can't work with other people, if I can't keep a single friendship because I'm too much to handle, then what the fuck am I even meant for ?

Not to mention that people will treat you like you're dumb, or make you feel like you are in general. I know it's frustrating that you have to repeat yourself every single time. Trust me, I know. I have those talks with myself ALL. THE. TIME. Do you think I like not being able to do normal people things ? Do you think I like being forgetful and disappointing people ? Because I sure as hell fucking don't. It makes me feel awful about myself and it's depressing as hell. Not to mention how lonely it gets.

I don't expect people to cater to me cuz it doesn't matter either way. In one scenario, I'm a burden because you have to adapt and do extra work to deal with me. In the other, I'm also a burden because I can't get shit done. It's a lose-lose situation no matter what you or I do.

ADHD isn't only about not being able to pay attention in class or sit in place for too long. It affects actual adults in massive ways, and no, you don't just "grow out of it". Medication helps but it's temporary, when the effects wear off I can't even keep focus long enough to watch a 30-minute episode of a show I like in its entirety. ADHD can be seriously debilitating and I'm tired of people acting like it's not. And every time I voice my frustrations, I always get the same answer : "stop using your ADHD as an excuse for being lazy". ADHD isn't an excuse, it's a DISABILITY. You wouldn't tell a paraplegic person that they can't use being paraplegic as an excuse for not climbing Mount Everest. No amount of willpower will get their legs to work just like it won't make my ADHD go away.

Like I know we all love making ADHD seem cool but like, don't forget it's actually a disability? My ADHD is bad enough I've nearly been evicted for forgetting to mail the rent check to the property manager, I've forgotten to pay the utility bills and had my water or power get turned off or had to pay fines bcs I missed a credit card payment. Once I was supposed to cat sit for a friend and I lost the house key she gave me but didn't realize until she was already out of town, and she had to call the apartment office to get someone to give me the spare so her cats would have food for the week. When I'm unmedicated I can't even get myself to shower half the time, forget eating or cleaning. Before I started living with my fiance I'd just like, not eat for days because I didn't have anyone to remind me to eat or go buy me food. I've forgotten to turn the stove off so many times and ruined kettles and tbh been DAMN fucking lucky the house didn't burn down. I've done stupid, impulsive shit that's nearly gotten me KILLED. I can't remember to close the shower curtain reliably even through my fiance points out every single time I forget, and he's almost out of soap rn bcs for the last MONTH neither of us have been able to remember to order more once we get out of the shower.

I've had such bad memory my entire life that to this day someone suggesting I forgot something because I simply didn't care enough is a legitimate trigger that, in the worst cases, makes me have a breakdown.

I get that for some of you this is just something that makes studying hard or you forget to take a pee break when you're playing Minecraft or whatever, that's still a valid struggle and you do deserve help and understanding, but like, ADHD is a disability. It's disabling. It's not impossible to improve and learn coping skills, meds help a lot, there are great accommodations out there(LIKE CLEANING SERVICES), but not every case of ADHD is the same, and a lot of them are pretty ugly ngl, and just because you managed to do something doesn't mean someone else is gonna be able to manage it too, or that they're being lazy for struggling. And that obviously doesn't mean ADHD people have a free pass to never work on themselves and make everyone cater to their every need or whatever, but we do deserve some understanding when we explain that our disability is actually disabling in ways that aren't palatable to you. So like, idk, maybe don't immediately recoil in horror when you find out that someone with ADHD can't keep their house clean. And for fucks sake don't ridicule them for it.

[dragonofthestone]

More then just simply "forget" about threads my ADHD quite literally takes out of site out of mind very literally.

And is why I tend to try and be very quick/reply as soon as I see the thread cause I'll know as soon as it's out of site I just won't think much about it. And it's not because I don't care, cause I do my brain just kind tucks it away and I don't think about it, in away it's like not having object permanence kinda

Except like I know it still exists obviously- not a baby- but if we aren't say actively talking or it's not actively in my face and see able I just won't think about it much. But as soon as I see it or it gets brought up in talk or whatever brain lights up and goes 'yes the thing'

To some extent I figure that's why I'm happy to let any thread just sit and wait for any length of time and still happily jump back into it at any time.

(No lie I have ancient threads and interactions from like my early rp days on tumblr and if one day someone were to jump back on and be like 'Hey remember this old thing? Wanna continue" I'd jump on board in a heart beat.

So I guess this just doubles as a PSA that literally any thread we've started on here (and hasn't come to a decided conclusion or something) if you ever want to continue / return too in any fashion the answer will more then likely be YES.

We can jump around threads, drop em, keep em whatever. I go where the dopamine takes me and on here at least the tends to just be where ever the RPs go. Old or New love em all

Now to clarify this is by no means an EXCUSE for my actions (Trust me I feel awful when I let things / suddenly remember I haven't replied to a thing ) I'm only a giving a reason

-

[cavalryofwoah]

New Year's Resolution Check-in: Working with the Disabled Trash Panda I Am, Not the Homemaker Ideal I Am Not.

Steps taken to solve problems:

Identify life problems that make me unhappy (mostly household chaos)

List all the steps it takes to regularly do the tasks required to fix that problem. Really break it down into small, simple steps.

List all barriers between doing that and not doing that. EVERY small thing counts as a barrier in this case. Do you never have clean laundry? What makes laundry hard? For me that was:

It's hard to carry my laundry to the machine.

My back is fucked up and lifting the heavy laundry detergent is very painful.

I'm short so reaching into the wash to pull out wet clothes requires a stepstool and sadness.

Repeatedly bending to put stuff in the dryer hurts.

Putting away the clean laundry means getting the laundry basket back to my room.

Trying to sort and fold things to organize is Not Me.

With my ADHD I apparently have limited object permanence, in the sense that if I cannot very easily see the article of clothing I don't remember it exists and then I accidentally never wear it for a year so honestly what's the point? (The same thing happens with food at the back of the fridge)

Ways I made laundry easier for Trash Pandas:

Laundry basket hard to carry -> got a laundry basket with wheels

Detergent too heavy to lift -> got a tilted stand for the detergent bottle that is put on a counter near the washer, so it's at reaching height and never has to be lifted

Reaching down into washer hard -> washer broke, so when I replaced it, I got a taller side-loader, which doesn't require doing that. I wouldn't have done this if the first one hadn't broken though

Dryer bending painful -> it's easier if I tilt my laundry basket sideways and bring it down to the floor with me so I can stay crouching and not go up and down multiple times

Folding laundry is impossible -> stop folding and hanging the laundry. Just identify the clothing item, ball it back up, and stuff it in the same area as similar stuff

Forget out of sight clothes exist -> eliminate drawers that have to be pulled out, get rid of all hangers except for absolutely necessary Fancy Clothes ones, stop using shelves you can't reach or see easily, and get rid of anything that requires multiple steps to see the clothes. Embrace open shelves where everything is visible.

Not enough shelves -> Get the hanging kind of open faced storage cubbies to add to your closet or door, and keep clothes in the open shelves by category. I got a pants hanger for my work slacks so I don't have to fold and stack them, I just kinda drape them on the sticks. No folding and no wrinkles

No matching socks -> get new socks, ALL THE SAME STYLE, 2-3 colors of the same ones. Keep a few fun socks and throw out the rest of your old ones. Be honest. They have holes in them. The donation places don't want them.

Get laundry garment bags and put one where you usually take your socks off (not where socks belong, but where they actually come off). All socks go directly from feet to garment bag, zip garment bag closed and wash them in that. Then put a new bag out and live with one bag of clean socks and one bag of dirty socks.

Socks only go from clean bag to feet to dirty bag, which then becomes the new clean bag on laundry day. Socks can't get lost in the laundry if they're always in Sock Bag Containment, and you can just reach in to find a matched pair quickly because they're all the same style, so they all match in Sock Feel and color is limited.

Relish in how put-together you feel while always having clean matched socks. Instant mood boost for me tbh.

These are just the laundry changes I made to accommodate Disabled Trash Panda Reality. I still don't always have perfectly clean put-away clothes, but I can do it a lot more often, and I can always find matching socks. So life is going better in several aspects.

I consider this very vague New Year's Resolution a success!

[etherealsomething]

3/8/23

The profundities of existence 

God, how I hate the complexities of life. I hate how the value of modern human existence is reduced to the amount of work and productivity one can produce. I feel like my body is aching for the moment when I can speak out and bask in the beauty of the world, free of any capitalistic desires. I probably sound like some pretentious leftist liberal arts student right now. I could honestly care less about politics. As a trans woman, I probably should. But I struggle enough with remembering what clothes I have in my closet—working memory and ADHD or what chronically online people call ‘object permanence’–let alone what people are signing into law in Washington DC. But that's really not what I want to talk about right now…

I wish my body could just melt away. I feel so stressed all the time and I don't even know why. I carry an invisible weight on my shoulders. My neck strains and yearns for release. My back aches from lurching over a computer screen, flashing with the lights of pseudo-educational nothingness. My calves are sore at the end of every day from holding a tension I didn't even know existed. 

Im constantly looking for a way out. A way to fall away into the void of relaxation. 

I want to run away and fall into a field of pink and blue flowers. I want honeybees to brush my cheek as I lie there. Basking in it. Taking in the complete lack of stimulus. 

Maybe that's what this is all about. 

Forced overstimulation. The modern world–fucking society–is built upon this desire for stimulation in all forms. Everything is moving faster. Social media is full of horrific examples of this. Like explosive cows locked in a cattle car, the internet has become this effective mental sabotage of stimulation. Tik tok, youtube, instagram, snapchat, twitter. They're all littered with videos meant only to ensnare you, draw you in, and trap you with their pretty colors and empty promises of entertainment. And it ruined my brain. Fried it. 

I like to say that the internet casts spells. 

You open up an app like running your finger against an inscribed glyph and you bear witness to tongues spoken only in these electronic tomes. And they trap you. Influencers are witches. The internet is a coven. 

God, I sound schizophrenic. C’est la vie. 

I think I believe in a god. Call it the universe. Call it a higher power. I don't care. I like the term ‘God’. It feels good to give it a name. And ‘God’ has such power behind it. It's riddled with over two thousand years of history. People have died for ‘God’. People have devoted their life to ‘God’. I don't think that proves its existence but it sure as hell proves its power. 

People seem to have an issue with this God. People seem to take issue when I say I believe in God. I think it’s because they think it's tied to the Judeo-Christian God; this “holy father��� who created the universe and gave life to the first humans. To be fair, the God of the Old Testament is fucked up. That guy was crazy. Ruthless even. He sent fires and floods and angels that melted the minds of powerful men. He asked Abraham to sacrifice his son. He wanted to test his creation. Punish humanity for their power. But New Testament God is a little bit nicer. He got Mary pregnant (not necessarily very nice) with the messiah. Jesus was born to take the brunt of all of humanity's sins. He was sacrificed in place of all of mankind. So that was nice I guess. But I don't know how much I believe in this god. This antithetical, all-powerful being. I think my God is much smaller than that. It's more intertwined in existence. I see it in how snowflakes fall so peacefully. I see it in the roots of trees when they pop out of the ground. I see it in my friend’s smile. I see it in myself. I think my idea of god is more connected to the beautifully chaotic randomness of the universe. I believe in beauty. That is my god.  

I've been wearing a rosary as of late. The last couple of months I think–since the start of this year at least (it’s the beginning of March as I write this). I think it's tied me more to this idea of divinity. It consumes me. I feel it in my heart. When I get anxious or when I don’t know what to do with my hands ill grab the crucifix hanging from my neck. I already stated that I don't really believe in the Judeo-Christian god but I find the imagery compelling. I see Jesus as this iconographic figure of divinity in humanity. Proof that my idea of God is part of every human being. Jesus acts almost as this symbol, not for the repentance of my sins, but for the little piece of divinity found in each and every one of us. The idea of the crucifix fascinates me. It draws me near. This idea that one's belief in divinity could lead to such torturous violence and that Christianity worships this sacrifice. I'm not saying I don't find his martyrdom honorable, I just think it’s a bizarre figure to make the poignant logo of your belief. 

I feel the need to explain my relationship with god to its fullest extent. My beliefs. My doctrine. 

I believe in God. A god of beauty. A god of humanity. An energy so powerful that it penetrates everything. God is the detail you find when you look at something–anything. Not just see it but look at it. God is the emotion you feel deep in your stomach whenever you bear witness to something beautiful. I think this God rules everything, embuing it with divinity. It's what makes life worthwhile: searching for the divine. It's there, I promise you. And once you look for it, you'll start to feel it. This godly energy, the holy being that embodies the world around you. The beauty of it all must be purposeful and that’s why I think God exists. The universe needs this ‘higher power’ to imbue itself into the fibers of existence. 

This idea of God comes out in everything I do. A divine purpose that makes my life meaningful. This god has given me the ability to see the beauty of the world, to make beautiful things, and to bask in it all. When I sit and read my tarot cards I feel its power, not in the divination of the cards or in the magic of it, but in the very act of doing anything. Because what is divinity if not the power to experience existence? I charge my crystals at night because it's a beautiful thing to do. I sage my room because it gives it a beautiful scent. I walk in the rain because it’s a beautiful experience. I bask in academia and study because that knowledge is beautiful. Everything I do is an act of god. Because it’s beautiful.

[thebibliosphere]

Y’know what’s a “bit extreme?” Owning 5 bottle openers, 4 of the same spatula, and umpteen other kitchen utensils because you can never find because if you don't do open shelves in your kitchen, you can’t find shit, so you just keep buying more of something as a form of ADHD tax. (yay, lack of object permanence...)

Like if I had the money to do pretty open shelving or replace all my doors with glass, I would. But I don’t so I take the doors off instead so all the foods and appliances I use daily are in sight and I use hooks to organize everything along the walls so they’re there and visible.

Doing so has enabled me to be the most organized I’ve ever been in my entire life.

Same with my wardrobe. We recently redid our bedroom closet and left the door off. Being able to see things means I always know where something is, and it also means we actually put our laundry away instead of leaving it on the floor or wrinkling in the clean laundry in the basket.

Having small baskets lined up against the wall isn’t very “aesthetic” but it means our laundry is pre-sorted as we take our clothes off so my husband (also ADHD) who struggles to start tasks if they involve sorting what feels like a billion things (because the flip side of lack of object permanence is that some of us also struggle to properly assess the scale of the task in front of us) can just see that a basket is full and go “oh, I should do laundry real quick.”

We still forget to retrieve the laundry from time to time because it’s in the basement and out of sight, out of mind. But if I’m going to be forced to redo my whole kitchen thanks to the ongoing water-pipe situation, I’m going to move the laundry machines into the kitchen so then that important task is both accessible to my physical disabilities AND my ADHD.

Now, for some people the open shelves ans having everything everywhere might be a sensory nightmare, but that's why finding an ADHD system that works for you is the most important thing.

Not an adherence to what someone tells you you should be able to do.

Extreme my ass.

(Aslo, I don't know where you are in the world, but ADD is no longer an official diagnosis. It’s now all under the ADHD umbrella and split into types. So ADHD inattentive type, ADHD hyperactive-impulsive type, ADHD combined type.)

So, I had an hour of psychoeducation about ADHD and ADD. I don’t have either (I’ve been tested, and I’m very inattentive but nothing else) but the group is mixed and has some people with ADHD in it. And obviously, an hour can only give a short introduction to the topic, and the therapist said so, but I’m still PISSED OFF.

Because when we talked about diagnoses and stuff, she said, repeatedly, that it was overdiagnosed, and it was me pointing out that it might be overdiagnosed IN BOYS but it’s definitely underdiagnosed in girls and women that got her to correct what she was saying. Btw, the group consisted, if I remember correctly, of two men, one nb person, and about 8-9 women.

Then we came to collecting ideas about what can help dealing with ADHD. I read @thebibliosphere, so I had some ideas, but apparently removing the doors to your kitchen cabinets is “a bit extreme”. And the most important is “planning and organizing”. Now I’m not an expert, but I believe that if they were able to plan and organize, they wouldn’t have ADHD.

Anyway, I’m fine, I’m just pissed off on other people’s behalf. But I’m kinda concerned for the people in this program who do have ADHD.

[wandringaesthetic]

There was a link to an article I saw on here recently that I can’t seem to find now basically arguing that there’s a rising tendency toward self-infantilization and a cultural effort to lengthen childhood and/or adolescence and that this can open people up to some fash-y rhetoric and/or be an excuse to never work on yourself or take responsibility for anything, and broadly, I agree.

But it used as an example ADHD people saying they don’t have object permanence even though that is a cognitive skill acquired in infancy, and listen. I understand that when I lose four pens in a day even though that’s twice the number of pens I came to work with that those pens did not STOP EXISTING when I stopped looking at them. we’re using that as a shorthand for “my brain does not consistently run background processes which includes things like noting the location of objects, therefore I lose things constantly.” I have some coping mechanisms that prevent me from doing this so often but only for a few things that I Vitally Need and even those fail sometimes. Please be patient with me.

When it’s, say, a bell pepper in the fridge, Object Permanence is an even better shorthand, because. Okay, I go to the store with a list, I’m planning on cooking a recipe that calls for a bell pepper. For some reason I don’t make the recipe when I planned to. I forget I was going to make that recipe at all. I forget that there’s a bell pepper in the fridge. Brain doesn’t do background processes consistently, sometimes screws up even the vitally important ones, none of which are “remembering there is a bell pepper in the fridge that will go bad if you don’t use it.” Brain also doesn’t keep up with another background process well which is “awareness of the passage of time.” It’s a few weeks later, you want to make another recipe that calls for a bell pepper. This is the first time you’ve been aware of there being a bell pepper in your fridge since the day you went to the store, because nothing reminded you of it until now. You think “oh yeah I already have a bell pepper” only you don’t, anymore, you have a semiliquid and very gross dark green thing.

Yes, I understand that things do not drop out of existence when they are out of my field of vision, but my AWARENESS of them certainly does until I am reminded. Fortunately (but also unfortunately) one is reminded of things constantly. Everything is connected to everything. We are very good systemic thinkers. Vast, interconnected web. There are shriveled up carrots in my fridge right this very moment as I’m typing this, every time I am reminded of this it is COOKING TIME not THROWING OUT GROSS THINGS time. And one of those background processes is keeping an awareness of things you need to do at moments that are not NOW. Our prospective memory is really, really (really) bad.

Awareness of PEOPLE, unfortunately, is also included with the funky relationship with object permanence, and that article complained about this too. And, ugh, that is a whole other post and a very emotional one.

Can we just? carve out a space between “please understand that my brain is very bad at this and I might need some help and I am not intentionally insulting you” and “do not ever place anything upon my shoulders I am but a helpless child” and not misunderstand the one for the other?

Because there was an almost regularly scheduled twitter discourse over something or other, like, “ADHD people can’t form habits.” It might be more difficult and the habit might need to be constantly adjusted or reinforced, and you might have to do some wackadoodle shit to accomplish it. (I have two bottles of identical facial soap in the shower and on the counter three feet away from it so I don’t forget to wash my face or have some sort of executive function or object permanence failure on the way to retrieving it when I need it) but it is VITALLY important that we form them or we will never be able to accomplish a single longterm goal. Another ADHD discourse was that ADHD writers can’t be expected to read. That one made me feel personally insulted and also think “ok, it’s time to log off, perhaps forever” and I did eventually delete my twitter so perhaps it did me a favor.

Just, the gap between “Please help me out and cut me a little slack here” and “I have difficulty with this therefore I am unable to improve myself and/or my situation.” Can we put some floor down between there.

Because the AWARENESS of the ways in which your brain is stupid is what helps you mitigate for them, okay? OKAY??! Okay. Because there’s been a lot of asinine and/or insulting discourse and people generalizing their experience but there’s also been a lot of stuff that has really helped me. And perceiving the object permanence thing has helped me.

[purplespaceace]

very few characters actually have adhd in media, and when they do, what people mean by that is just that they fidget a lot, not that they have adhd. the only character with adhd I can think of where I’ve watched/read it and I’ve gone, “oh, this character actually has adhd” is Jake peralta from Brooklyn 99. so, here’s my take on how to write adhd, with examples from Brooklyn 99.

I’ll do the best I can to separate them into three categories; the three things people look for in adults with ADHD, which are rejection sensitivity dysphoria, an interest-based nervous system, and emotional hyperarousal.

I’ll also randomly bold and italicize bits so people with ADHD can actually read it.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, or RSD

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria makes people with ADHD overly sensitive to criticism, even if they perceive a rejection and there actually isn’t one. Their emotions are also very strong generally. Because of RSD, people with ADHD become people-pleasers and can develop anxiety because they’re so eager to please.

For me, RSD makes me cry an embarrassing amount for any little reason. in your writing, make your characters overdramatic, criers, and/or people-pleasers. They’ll have trouble saying no. They may also be over competitive, as their perceived rejection may include losing.

how does Jake show this in b99? When Jake comes up with a catchphrase and Rosa says it’s terrible, jake is far more hurt than he should be. He hates losing, and he gets overly upset whenever someone says they don’t like him or don’t trust him, etc. he’s also a people pleaser who has trouble saying no.

An interest-based nervous system

An interest-based nervous system includes hyperfocuses and an inability to pay attention. It stems from the fact that we can’t make as much dopamine as neurotypicals. This means that while neurotypicals get dopamine after completing a task, people with ADHD don’t. That means that people with ADHD don’t have any reason to do tasks, especially those they don’t like. This leads to executive dysfunction—people with ADHD will know they have to or want to do something, but they can’t seem to do it. people with ADHD hyperfocus on things that bring them dopamine. I was obsessed with warrior cats for three years. But hyperfocuses can also last a short amount of time—I’ll have a drawing idea in the middle of class and won’t be able to concentrate on anything else before I finish it. this is where our impulsiveness comes from. we can leap into things we think will give us dopamine without thinking, which can lead to injury. We also tend to tell people personal things they don’t want to hear because of this, and don’t have very good boundaries. We sometimes say whatever comes into our head, which can also result in us being rude on accident. Our voices can also get very loud or we can interrupt people frequently because we’re so impulsive. When people with ADHD hyperfocus, they can forget about anything else. I’ll forget to eat if I’m busy reading a Wikipedia article about feminism in the 1850s, and won’t go to the bathroom or drink water either. It’s also important to note that taking away distractions doesn’t help, because we can do things like pick at our skin and daydream—something that people with ADHD do a lot of. Because of executive dysfunction, people can call people with ADHD lazy or irresponsible.

people with ADHD can also be extremely indecisive because ADHD affects our executive functioning, and making decisions requires planning and prioritizing, and task initiation, which are both executive functions!

people with ADHD also have poor memory for important things, but tend to remember random bits of trivia. Poor memory leads to object permanence problems, which means people with ADHD can forget to call a friend back for weeks, forget that they need to read library books in a closed cabinet, or forget that the vegetables they got will go bad. People can sometimes say that people with ADHD don’t care about anything because of this.

people with ADHD can also be prone to depression because of under or overstimulation. Boredom feels painful for people with ADHD. If we’re overstimulated, we can experience sensory overload—if things are too bright or too loud, if too many things are touching us at once—often it’s not because the thing is too intense, but because too many things are happening at once.

We also have something some people call dolphin brain, where we jump from one thing to another. From the outside, it looks really random, but I find that when I’m talking to another neurodivergent communication is generally easier. For instance, someone with ADHD might see a bee at a baseball field and tell their team about the time they saw whales at seaworld because their little brother was also stung by a wasp there. people will see no connection on the outside, but it makes perfect sense to the person with ADHD.

people with ADHD can also be overachievers, either because they hyperfocus on schoolwork or their RSD makes it so that failing at something isn’t an option. people with ADHD can also be very controlling and stubborn, probably because we hyperfocus on something and cant handle it being any different, and any change to our plans can be seen as rejection.

we can also have a hard time ordering our thoughts or doing stuff like math in our head. a lot of the time I number my thoughts like, 1. this reason, 2. this reason, etc. even if theres only two or sometimes I just need the 1. as a transition for my brain. when I don’t write it down or organize it like that it feels like I’m trying to grasp ropes that have been covered in oil (it’s not going to happen) and then my brain gets all jumbled and I have to restart at the beginning. this is probably just me, but it feels the same way when I’m reading long paragraphs of something uninteresting, or even short bits of historical documents because the way they phrase things is really pompous and hard to process.

also, stuff like caffeine calms us down and helps us focus. people who don’t take medication (me) often drink coffee or caffeinated sodas to focus.

another random tip, but if your character with ADHD also is genderfluid or genderflux, they might have a hard time figuring out their gender sometimes, because we can be known to have a hard time putting our feelings into words or our brains will just go, “nope, not thinking about that right now” and move on, which can be pretty frustrating.

people with adhd also have a trait called time blindness, where we have no idea how long something takes and therefore can’t manage our time very well. this often results in us being late or just sitting around the house because we got ready way too early.

we also have something called consequence blindness—we do things and are completely unaware of the consequences. if I don’t brush my teeth, I get cavities. but I don’t think about that when I’m deciding I’m too tired to brush my teeth.

in b99, jake regularly stays up all night solving cases and watches documentaries on random topics. He’s also very distractible—when they’re trying to find the person who sent Captain Holt death threats in the train yard, Jake says he and captain holt should take a train trip together sometime. Jake says that he’ll forget Amy if they don't work together because he’s like a goldfish.

Emotional hyperarousal

This is the only thing people tend to include when writing characters: the fidgeting. People with ADHD tend to need more stimulation than others, so we’ll do things like draw during class and chew on pens.

people with ADHD can also have apd, or auditory processing disorder. we tend to watch shows with subtitles on and may take a second to process what you’re saying, or hear it wrong. The subtitles thing may be partially do to creating just the right amount of stimulation, but if I don’t have subtitles, me and my other friends with ADHD will watch tv with the volume turned up very high. People with ADHD also can have a hard time interpreting other people‘s tone and have a hard time controlling their own. They can be bad at social cues and have poor manners because we don’t pick up on that stuff.

people with ADHD also tend to observe everything or nothing at any given time, mostly based on the amount of stimulation they have—if they dont have a lot in their main task, they’ll need to take in something else at the same time. Likewise, if I’m hyperfocusing on something I often don’t notice anything else, like if someone asks me a question.

in b99, Jake fidgets with things a lot. In the intro, he’s picking up and examining a figurine on his desk, likely because he was bored with paperwork or some other task.

[faithfromanewperspective]

”if such complexity can exist in a human mind how much moreso within God?” EXACTLY

and tbh I didn’t either until a post on here a few months back talking about how we all dissociate to some degree even just when putting away what we’re upset about to go and do a day of work and then feeling it later, even masking in a social situation or when you’re caring for someone and it requires putting your own emotions and experience aside and being present to help them with theirs. and I realised how I forget everything that happened in my life and how I felt about it the minute I walk into a room or start a new conversation with someone (which is def in part why mental health care is so hard to access for me) even little things like object permanence and while I don’t have different people I am in different settings it is true that my work persona isn’t the same as the neurodivergence advocate, and neither is the same as the excited ministry volunteer or the musician (even the emo music listener is different to the classical musician who is different to the adhd athlete using a beat to help me train). since then I have been working on being more present in my feelings as well as in the moment and being myself across all parts of my life (which is easier imo as an adult with a lot more autonomy when I don’t feel like I’m always being watched and always performing for teachers, coaches etc) but

I guess what I mean to say is yes this does seem foreign from the outside and as a result is an isolating thing to experience but every single person has experienced some degree of dissociation and with the right framework to imagine it, plurality isn’t such an out there concept and can simply be a stretch of what is already so relatable. and that serves to prevent the isolation and erasure of our plural siblings/fellow humans but also once you’ve done that and you’ve stretched your thinking to be like ‘okay what if on top of that these were entirely different consciousnesses/beings rather than personas who have different levels of access to certain feelings and memories who actually did not remember the same things as if they were entirely different bodies although they’re united by the same body’ you can then get to ‘God is three in one’ and although from what I know the Godhead does not share a body at all from there it’s not such a stretch. And the unification of the church with Christ also takes on a more visceral meaning when you think of (I forget the term for it but) work in therapy etc to merge alters and share memories between them.

maybe this is just my unhinged take idk!! but my plural friends, siblings (in Christ or in humanity) thank you for existing and offering me this mind bridge. may we commit to caring for you better

okay but re the trinity is it just me or is the existence of different alters in one body (in God’s case, being) actually a decently good metaphor? like I know dissociative disorders are traumagenic and to go through that sucks but isn’t this just an example of how diversity (such as neurodiversity) helps us understand God?

you may be right! i don't know too much about plurality but on the face of it i don't see why such an analogy would be inappropriate. and there seems to be a strong similarity in the way experiences of plural consciousness genuinely seem quite difficult to properly fathom from a non-plural POV, yet it doesnt mean it's not real. if such complexity can exist in a human mind how much moreso within God?